An episode of lost
I’m in the middle of figuring out what it is I truly believe in. The higher energy above, I feel lives inside of me. I mean, electricity/power is how i still exist. But I’m trying to make sense of everything going on around me. I’ve been struggling with defining who I am and having others understand. I am a soul trying to fly through this cage called life. I’m trying to do good but I’ve been taught wrong. Makes no sense, i try to be happy yet break my back and work til i am broken down. I want to live by simplicity but get sucked in by this image of success, perfection and wealth. I want to give love but end up falling in lust. I ask for peace yet donate for wars to be created. I pray for the good things every night, but perform all the bad things when the sun rises. I want to be honest but I’ve been raised to be a hypocrite. I want to be positive but often practice negativity. Mind boggled. What’s your perspective..?
End of the year is almost here.
Welp, it’s December again and I always find myself in the same place every year. This time it’s different though. You know that same old sad feeling that haunts you everyday, well it disappeared. And I don’t even think I can describe how great it is to be liberated from those time consuming, heart breaking thoughts and feelings. I figured that my life would forever be in love with this man who was my world. And then I sat down and watched him carefully his every move and motive. For someone who says they love you he sure was good at ignoring me for weeks without any real excuse. As my heart shattered and I became weak I came to the conclusion that I’ve been lying to myself for way too long. I had to stand up for myself because the emotional stomping would have kept going. And goodness how fanfuckintastic do I feel now!! When you try to cut someone that you think you love out of your life, they always make it seem like you’re fuxkd in the head. Well I said fuck it & fuck you. I now feel like a million bucks, I feel unstoppable, I finally feel genuinely happy even if I’m by my lonesome self, I learned how to love me. And I don’t even hate the guy, I don’t think I could ever hate him. Like I always say , I actually thank him. I no longer feel the need to talk to him, hear his voice, or even see his face. May all the happiness of the world fill his new life up along with his girlfriend.. I always like writing these entries because two years from now ill read back to it and remember how foolish of a girl I was.
I wish you all the best in this upcoming year, may all your goals and dreams be achieved, and may you all be as happy as you should be!!